Dear Crazy Couple Sitting Behind Us On Valentine's Day
My husband and I don't get out much without our chitlins. Most parents can a test to this I'm sure. So imagine our surprise when we had the opportunity to have a lovely Valentine's lunch, sans children. We specifically asked the host of our favorite Indian restaurant if we could have one of the two tables near the window so we could bathe in the sunlight and, more importantly, the privacy.
We were having a divine time until the two of you walked in. Ma'am, I don't know what the hell is wrong with your hearing, but damn, you need to turn up your hearing aid or invest in one altogether. The deciple level at which you spoke was nothing short of ridiculous. And you, sir? Why would you be out with your wife at a lovely restaurant ON VALENTINE'S DAY with the sole intention of reading the paper? Sorry you forgot your glasses. It's like your wife loudly declared, yes she SHOULD have grabbed those pair of specks she saw on the table right before you two walked out your front door. Alas, you read anyway.
It was quiet when you two went up to the BOO-FAY, as your husband so eloquently kept referring to it. It was nice. But then you came back. And you, lady, decided to use your phone to blare political news for the next 5 minutes. You will have to excuse me for rolling my eyes at my husband, and trying SO hard not to laugh out loud. The level of obnoxious that came out of you would be hard to rival. Ahhhh, but then you REALLY let it out. Do you know what my husband and I don't want to hear about while we are eating the most yummy food around? Abortions! Does that make us weird? No. It makes you a complete and total asshole. If you want to talk about dead babies during mealtimes, perhaps wait until you are in the comfort of your own home, not at 1:00 in the afternoon in a lovely restaurant on Valentine's Day. You are a dick.
Luckily for the two of you I was able to chill my husband out. Even luckier, I was 3 glasses of wine deep with no kids climbing all over me. I was calm. But seriously, one of us should have told you how obnoxious you behaved. Next time you are around the rest of humanity, maybe you could just shut the fuck up and enjoy the silence. Or at least find better things to discuss than Trump and aborted fetuses. Just a little food for thought.
Shaking Our Heads,
Jon & Justine