A Snyder In The Sun

A Snyder In The Sun

Dear Grocery Store Bagger Lady

I used to bag groceries too.  I know that it isn't the most exciting job on the planet.  The most satisfying part was when I was able to Tetris the groceries just right so they would fit perfectly in the bag.  It was oddly satisfying.  I liked seeing what people were buying because it gave me inspiration for meals.  I also liked to people watch.  And babies?  Forget it.  It was the highlight of my day when a tiny little baby came through the line.  Ahhh, those cheeks!  So presh.  But if a baby came through the line in a car seat with that visor thingy pulled down, I knew that baby was sleeping or the parents didn't want the little angel disturbed.  It was common sense.

My baby doesn't fall asleep in the car.  It RARELY happens.  So when Little E skipped her nap and fell asleep on the ride to the grocery store, I just assumed she would wake up while I was moving her car seat onto the shopping cart.  Instead, she surprised me and slept the entire time I was shopping.  Score.  It wasn't until the very end, when I was paying, that there were any issues.  And that issue was YOU.

If the cover is pulled down over my baby, please don't yell "AWWWW IS SHE SLEEPING?!" mere inches from where her face is hidden.  Because she will wake up.  And I will be pissed. Because OF COURSE she was sleeping, and OF COURSE that woke her up.  And wipe that shit eating grin off your face when you see she is awake.  And instead of trying to talk to her once you know she's awake, how about you apologize to the overwhelmed mother (ME!!!!) for waking her baby up?!  Don't get all in her face and tell her how cute she is.  Duh!  She is adorable, we all know that!  Look at ME and say "I'm so sorry, I seem to have lost the ability to control the volume of my voice.  Please, have a chocolate bar on me, and may God have mercy on my soul"

Too dramatic?  Well, there's a saying out there, lady.  NEVER wake a sleeping baby.  And do you know why?  Because their mother's get murderous thoughts about the people that wake them up.  Truly, dark and evil thoughts.  It's my quiet time.  And NOBODY fucks with my quiet time.  Not even my sweet little angel baby.  And especially NOT YOU!  Now, go bag the groceries and shhhhhhh.  Maybe she'll fall back to sleep...



The Woman Giving You Major Stink Eye


***Note: I wrote this post back in February and totally forgot about it. However, I decided to post it anyway because I believe EVERYONE needs to know that waking a sleeping baby is a crime.  Wait, it isn't?  Well it fucking should be.  The more you know.***

Feel free to pass me around to your friends.  I like to be shared ;)