Dear Baby Blocks
I will be the first to admit that you were a mistake to buy. The package CLEARLY said for 18+ months. Nostalgia got the best of me though and I bought you for Everly, who was 10 months old at the time. She couldn't care less about you wooden pains in the ass.
Evie on the other hand? She loves you guys. That's why I'm finding you all over my effing house. I find you in the kitchen, in my bedroom (including my bed), and this morning a bunch of you little assholes were in Everly's crib, just a chillin' away with her. I step on some of you in the dark and it hurts. It REALLY hurts. The pain makes me want to punch you guys in the face. I have to suppress pain screams in the middle of the night so I don't wake up your baby owner. I find you next to the toilet? Like, why? Why are you in the bathroom?! Yesterday Evie literally covered Everly in a bunch of you as she was strapped into her carseat. She seemed to enjoy it. But you know what she doesn't enjoy? Rolling over on you. Yeah, it makes her cry. Which makes me sad. Which puts your lives in jeopardy.
Listen, here's the thing...I hate cleaning all of you up. I do it CONSTANTLY. You haunt my dreams. And worse? There is no way I'm going to find all of you. No freakin' way. We are already missing some of you at other people's houses. It's super annoying and I don't know how it happens. You are basically worthless, as Everly has no idea how to read numbers and letters. Let it be known today that I don't like you guys. Not one single little bit. And if I step on another one of you little effers in the middle of the night? Yeah, I'm going to have a little bonfire. S'mores are delightful this time of year.
You've Been Warned,