Dear Mom That Accused Me of Stealing Her Beach Bucket
I don't confront people. It makes me want to vomit in my mouth. I get panicky and sweaty to the point that clinical strength deodorant doesn't stand a chance. Seriously, I will avoid confrontation at all costs. So when your daughter came up to me and asked if my daughter's green beach bucket was hers, I was honest and said no. No weird confrontation needed.
You can imagine my surprise then when you walked up to me not more than 5 minutes later and told me that said bucket was, in fact, your daughter's. Do you remember how that conversation went? No? I'll refresh your memory.
Hi, I think you have my daughter's bucket.
No, this one is mine.
No, it must be mine because I have the exact same one and your daughter was playing with it.
Well I'm 100% positive this is our bucket.
No it can't be. All the kids are playing with each other's stuff down there. I think your daughter is even playing with our trucks right now.
I'm sorry but I'm going to need my bucket back.
Listen, you can totally have our bucket if it means that much to you, but it is definitely not yours
(You proceed to bring up the fact, ONCE AGAIN, that Evie is playing with your kid's trucks. Listen, I don't give a shit about the trucks. The trucks aren't the issue. Apparently your green bucket is the issue. Stick to the issues, woman!)
Ok, I'm sorry, I just know that this is our bucket.
It's not, but you can have it.
(Then your daughter started yelling something to you from across the park.)
Oh, she has our bucket.
So then you walked away without apologizing. I'm no saint. But I'm not a liar either. If I tell you repeatedly that I didn't steal your bucket, then guess what lady? I DIDN'T STEAL YOUR FUCKING BUCKET. If I see you again maybe I will offer you a few bucks so you can stock up on all the damn beach buckets you can handle.
Better yet, maybe you should just apologize when you're wrong. We could have had a good laugh and maybe even exchanged numbers and had a crazy girl's night out that ended in both of us asking what the hell happened last night?! But noooooooo, you had to be rude. Ugh, now I don't like you and we will probably never be friends. Hashtagbummer.
The Bucket Bandit