Dear Crazy Old Man In The Parking Lot
You probably don't remember me because you are old as dirt. We had a conversation (more of a yell fest) a few weeks back? Does that jar your memory? Probably not. Anyway, you are an asshole. I'm sure you think you own the grocery store parking lot because you are old as shit and closer to death than I am, but I can assure you, you, in fact, do not own the parking lot. Therefore, if I am backing my car out of a parking space with my baby in the car and you are several hundred feet back, you DO NOT have the right to come flying up on my ass like you some sort of forgotten NASCAR champion, waving your arms at me like I am the bad driver. And then you came flying around me AS I WAS STILL DRIVING to get that super coveted parking space closest to the store. So I beeped at you. You're goddamn right I did.
Now normally that would have been the end of it. But you just HAD to give me a dirty look as I was driving by. So I stopped and rolled the window down. You yelled at me for beeping at you. Remember that? Yeah? And when I said I had a baby in the car and you said, and I quote, "I don't give a shit," you're lucky I didn't get out of the car and beat you to death with the gallon of milk I just bought.
And no, I DO NOT apologize for calling you a "crazy old fuck," because that's just what you are. You should have your license revoked and your hip broken for putting my baby in danger. Oh, and another thing, if I see you in the parking lot again, you can GUARANTEE I am going to fuck with you. Just a little bit. Nothing serious. But it will probably involve me driving super slow and swurvy all over the place so you can't fly by. And if you happen to stop me and want to exchange words? Bring it on. I'll beat you with a sack full of Ensure and Epson salt, because NOBODY, not even an old geriatric fuck like yourself, puts my baby in danger. Did you get all that? I hope so. If not, put your bifocals on or lean into the screen real close like.
One Pissed Off Mom.