The Back Of Her Earring Went Where?!!
As I watched my oldest writhe in pain on the examination table, tears flowing down her sweet little face, I had to ask myself why in the fuck I thought it was a good idea for her to get her ears pierced. I also thought, Seriously? Why does all the weird medical shit happen to MY kids?
Whilst vacationing in Pennsylvania I looked at Big E's left earring and noticed that it was missing a back and that a nice solid crust had formed. I thought it was interesting that the crust seemed to be holding the earring in place. Sweet, at least the earring was still there and the hole hadn't closed up. I put some Neosporin on the grossness and didn't really think much more of it.
So a few days ago I reevaluated the situation and was confused how it was still possible that the earring was in her ear without a back on it, especially with her because she is about the most active child you could possibly imagine. My "weird" sensor was going off big time. I had my sis-in-law look at the situation. She is a nurse, which practically makes her a doctor in my eyes, and is way more equipped to deal with these types of situations than I am. (A funny little story about her...So when Little E shoved that popcorn kernel in her nose, I called my SIL and asked for advice. Unfortunately she was unable to come to my rescue as she was two glasses of wine deep and couldn't drive. The kernel cost us roughly $2000 to remove. I secretly blame this on the SIL. Where's my $2000, Ali??!! Nah, just playin.' Maybe...) She took to the ear to assess the sitch.
And what did she find? The fucking BACK of the earring was, in fact, NOT missing. IT WAS INSIDE MY DAUGHTER'S EAR!! Somehow my oldest's earring hole had swallowed the back of the fucking Pac Man earring! So disgusting. The plus side? It didn't appear to be infected. The downside? Oh holy shit this motherfucking earring back is going to cost us $2000! It's the popcorn kernel all over again! I said I was going to cry and she told me to keep it together and not freak my kid out. Fine! But on the inside I was already figuring out what the hell the family would have to give up in order to pay the outlandish medical bill we were sure to encounter.
I called the pediatrician the next morning and we got Big E in. The doc put some numbing stuff on her ear, which stung like a bastard, apparently, and we waited for it to kick in. Then the doc comes back with a scissor-;like mechanism and some tweezers. Normally my kid will freak the fuck out when it comes to pain. I can't blame her, she's only 7. But man, she held her shit together as the doc dug at her poor ear hole and eventually pulled that sonofabitch out! She DID cry, but it wasn't for long. My little champion. I was the biggest wiener of all. I couldn't even watch what was happening. I let my biggest little squeeze my hand through her pain and all the while I had my eyes squeezed shut. In my defense, I can't even watch when my kids get shots. I'm not sure that's much of a defense, but watching a doctor rip apart my kids ear is basically the equivalent of watching those Faces of Death movies. Ever see those? They are really fucked up.
After her torture was over I let her pick out some ice cream at the store (mint chocolate chip. So weird.) and I finally got her all the ingredients she needed to put up a lemonade stand with her cousin. They only fought like 1,000 times during their lemonade shenanigans, AND they made a few bucks. WIN!!
Overall the experience wasn't as horrible as I let my anxiety-riddled brain play it out to be. Again, as per typical Justine, I was focusing on the worst instead of the best. However, I AM proud of how calm I stayed. I forced myself to stay in the moment and kept telling my brain that shit happens and we just have to deal with it, no matter how bad it is. As a result of that thinking, EVERYONE stayed calm and we actually ended up having a fun day! So weird how that works.
Oh, and also? Evie isn't allowed to mention earrings to us until she is a full blown hormonal teenager. At this point, I don't even want her LOOKING at them. Because ewwwwww.