Welcome To The Thunderdome: Pick Up and Drop Off Edition
I am not one of those parents that dreads the summer ending. The start of school might very well be one of my most favorite things in the world. I LOVE the first day of school, definitely way more than my oldest does. Hands down. Finally I get my days back. It's a little quieter in the house and I have more time to think. Also, my child needs structure and a schedule, which we basically DO NOT have all summer long. Really, it's a win win for the whole family. Except, of course, when it comes to drop off and pick up.
All parents that take their kids to school and pick them up can agree with me: the fucking drop off/pick up lines are out of control and should include a glass of wine, a Xanax, and some classical music so the parents don't snap and drive their mini vans into the play ground. It's absolutely ABSURD, you guys. Who the fuck drives over the curb to park on a tiny island of grass in a parking lot? Asshole parents. Who lets their child take their sweet ass time putting all the contents of his or her backpack into said backpack a mere .2 seconds before they should be exiting the car? Asshole parents. Who blocks the Thru Lane whilst blasting their music so loud they couldn't possibly hear the honking horns and screaming of their fellow parents? Fucking asshole parents!
I am shocked each year I have to deal with the chaos of the first few weeks of school. It is legitimately like The Purge is happening and every single parent has ran out of fucks to give. I wonder if it's okay for me to park diagonally across 3 parking spots? It's the first week of school, might as well, right? Wrong, asshole. Park like an actual human person with feelings.
And what the crap is with the school changing all the rules I have finally begun to follow?! What's this shit that I can't walk my daughter to her class anymore? And really, you're going to make all the parents congregate in a tiny little area like cattle instead of letting us roam free on the grass like we have been doing FOR YEARS at pick up? I don't think so bruh.
Finally, there is no reason the stop lights should be malfunctioning on the 4th day of school, causing huge traffic issues and a general panic from the parents who are about to be late for work. The cop sitting in the middle of said traffic shouldn't be on his phone texting while sipping coffee. No fucking sir. And maybe I shouldn't have yelled, "You better figure this shit out, you fucking bastard!" while my kid was sitting peacefully behind me in her carseat, but dude had it coming. Don't worry, Karma got me a few seconds later when my littlest said, "Yeah, you bastard!" Granted I laughed until the tears came, but still. Not cool, mom.
I'm hoping sanity will be restored next week and I can forget about the hell this week has brought. Until then I plan on meditating and channeling Jesus for help to not slap a bitch. I make no guarantees though. Real talk.