A Snyder In The Sun

A Snyder In The Sun

Food Wars: Toddler Style

I'm slowly losing my will to live, you guys, and it's all because of food.  No, not my struggle with food, but my toddler's.  I can't even.

I feel like every single day of my life I am glued to our kitchen.  I leave for a minute or two and am yelled at by a tiny terrorist until I am BACK in the fucking kitchen fixing yet another snack for the day.  Oh, you want a banana?  Sure.  *Peels banana and hands it sweetly to toddler* *Toddler takes a bite or two, mashes it in her hands, and hurls it on the floor in a rage*  Wait, you said crackers?  Well sure, here you go.  *Toddler runs manically around the house with the crackers, crushing them, and grinding them into the carpet.*  My mistake, you said CHEESE. But not just cheese, it has to be WHITE cheese.  (Side note: my child might be developing racist tendencies) Here you go, cutie pie, here's your cheese.  *Toddler chews cheese until it is liquid and proceeds to spit it all over my dresser before smearing it in all crazy like with her little hands.*  You asshole.

I wish these were made up things.  They are not.  This is daily in my house.  My little one doesn't sit in a high chair anymore and therefore goes where she wants with the food.  Finding a rogue apple with two bites taken out of it under my bed is just par for the course around these parts.  More often than not I will find my little camped out at the pantry just a weighin' her options.  Hmmmm, what can I get my mom to make me now?  And yes, I AM a pushover. Yes, I WILL make her ALL THE FOOD.  Why?  Because it is motherfucking exhausting to be screamed at all day by a tiny beast.  So what's that?  You want an entire can of black olives? Sure!  *Goes in bedroom later on and is convinced one of the dogs took 30 different shits all over the place.*  Oh wait, that's just black olives.  Phew!


Feel free to pass me around to your friends.  I like to be shared ;)