Some Things I Love That You Probably Hate
I brought up the premise of this post to my best friend hoping that she could help me fill in my list. It's a lot harder to come up with things I like than things I dislike. The list of things I hate is growing with enthusiasm, which is quite depressing but also rings true to my personality, so....whatevs. A tiger can't change it's stripes. Or can it? I'm assuming their stripes change, right? I mean what happens when they grow up from wee little tigers? Anyway, I'm rambling. *Note to self: research tiger stripes*
- Man Buns! Give me man buns all fucking day long. I LOVELOVELOVE them. I think they are sexy as hell (as long as they are done correctly) and that most men with longer hair should immediately adopt this style at least once in his life. A straight up pony tail on a man creeps me out, but if that hair goes into a bun? Forget it, I'm all yours. Shhhhh, don't tell my husband. Let's keep in mind that few men are actually able to pull this look off. I have seen my share of man buns that make me want to cut it off. Basically you have to also have a pretty fair amount of facial hair to go along with the bun for this 'do to do it for me.
- Which brings me to BEARDS! A beard is probably the sexiest part of a man. A nice FULL beard. Mmmmmmm. Some of you might be wondering, WHAT ABOUT THE PENIS?! Get real, we all know that dicks are ugly. They just are. It doesn't mean I don't appreciate them, it just means they are not an attractive appendage. Anyway, back to beards. Okay, let me use the disclaimer that that dude from Anthrax had (or still has? I have no idea. I don't like Anthrax) a crazy gross long beard thing that I hate. I need the full beard. The Santa Clause looking beard. And I'm not picky, that shit can be white as snow and I'd still swoon. I'm lucky enough to be married to a bearded man and when he shaves it I want to cry. I'm not joking. I don't want to know that my husband has a chin. I NEVER want to see his chin. I tell him all the time that if he shaves his beard I will shave my head. So far my threat has worked.
- Hipsters are hilarious! I have zero problems with hipsters. I find their style to be endearing. I like how some of them spend so much time cultivating their facial hair in an attempt the create that perfect "ironic" mustache. It's not ironic, it's borderline creepy. But I respect the game. Keep doing you, bro. And if they want to pay upwards of 75 bajillian dollars for an insane brunch that is served off of a metal shovel? Who gives a shit!! So what if they are pretentious and super trendy? Most of us follow new trends to a certain degree, so lay off! Yo hipster, I love your glasses and suspenders. And where did you get that sweet hat? I want one too.
- Holla for the mini van. I have the privilege of driving a Ford Flex. Yes, it resembles a toaster on wheels but it fits 6 people comfortably so, suck it! And a mini van is the homely cousin of the Flex. What I wouldn't give for a robotic side door that glides open on the push of a button! At any given time I have 4 kids opening my car doors and each time we are in a parking lot I have to say a silent prayer that one of my doors doesn't slam into the parked car next to me. How hard is it to open a door without the strength and aggression of roided up gym rat? The answer is hard, very hard. Children have no concept of a calm door opening. It's just not in their DNA.
- Speaking of cars, let's talk about the El Camino! Half car, half truck, all the coolness. I have loved these cars for a very long time. I live in Florida, which may quite possibly be the birth place of these fine automobiles. Probably not, but I like to think so. Give me a man with a mullet, smoking a Marlboro Red with a cutoff belly shirt that says AC/DC on it driving down the road in my dream car and I am in hog heaven! Besides being totally badass looking, the El Camino is practical as fuck. Got a few kegs for a field party that you can't fit in your little compact car? Call your buddy with the half car and tell him to load those bitches up!
- Uggs. I am completely baffled as to why people hate on these boots! Have you never tried a pair on. They literally feel like the best fucking blanket you've even had is wrapped around your feet. And they are cute! Why do people make fun of them?! I just don't get it. I have worn my BFF's before and seriously thought of stealing them but she's like the only person I ever hang out with so if I stole them I wouldn't be able to actually wear them anywhere or she'd be all, Are those MY boots? And I'd be like Wwhhaaaa? No way! I got these from Brenda. And she'd say, Who the fuck is Brenda? And I'd have to fumble to figure out who Brenda was and she would know I was lying because I have never met a Brenda in my entire life, so I would have to tell her I bought them and she would DEFINITELY know I was lying because Uggs are crazy expensive and I live in Florida and have very little use for the cute Australian wonders. But still, Uggs rock.
- Reality TV. My BFF said I should put this on my list, mostly because SHE hates reality TV (or so she says. I call bullshit because she's watched some pretty crappy reality shows, but I digress). However, I am aware that tons of people would hate the shit I watch on the daily and that's okay. There is something incredibly amusing to me about watching grown women fight show after show about the dumbest crap imaginable. I suppose it makes me feel ever-so- slightly better about my life choices. You may have all the money in the world (Real Housewives) but it doesn't mean you have class, and when you "ladies" throw expensive crystal glasses or flip tables in public like the Hulk, my heart sings with joy.
- Women with armpit hair. I have no idea why I love this, but I do. I really, really do. I think it looks beautiful. I tried growing mine out two years ago and I liked it but found that sometimes it was painful. I'm not sure why but it was. I am contemplating trying it again, much to the horror of my husband. If I can get past the sometimes painful part, I think things will be just find. No, I'm not going to dye it and try to make some kind of statement. It's just pretty to me.
Trust me, there's probably a TON of things I like that you don't. I can't think of more at the moment. What about you, lovelies? Anything you guys like that most people hate? And no, Crocs don't count. Everyone hates those things.