Update Dos: I Failed Even Harder. Fucking Colorado. Totally Worthsies.
Do you hear that? That is the sound of my body literally drying out. Today is my first sober day since last Thursday. I make ZERO apologies for this, even though one of my goals for January was to not touch alcohol. Woops. Shit happens.
But yes, I did spend 3 days in an alcohol haze. Why? Because I went to Colorado, BY MYSELF, as in NO CHILDREN. I had no real schedule to stick to. I didn't have to wake up early (although I did anyway) and I didn't have to take care of anyone else but me. Yay! It was lovely. Also, had I not had alcohol in me the entire time, I would've had a monster hangover after night one. So really I was doing my body good. Shut up.
I ate a ton of crap too. Pasta, biscuits and gravy, tacos, pizza..legal edibles. I'm pretty sure I didn't even touch a real vegetable, unless it was covered in cheese or fried or just a pretty little garnish on top of a taco. I barely drank any water either. Maybe like 4 bottles the whole time I was gone? Yeah, that sounds about right. My poor body.
I did exercise though. I climbed 7,345,334 steps at Red Rocks Amphitheater. I'm almost positive that number isn't an exaggeration as I had to stop 75 dozen times to catch my breath and check my pulse. I died a few times on the way up. But alas, the view was absolutely worth it. On the way down my legs were shaking like a motherfucker. Have you ever tried to have quiet stand-up sex in the bathroom while your aunt, who's visiting from out of town, is in the other room and you're on your tip toes and when it's over your legs are trembling and you walk funny for a few hours? Admit it, we've all been there. Anyway, that's how my legs felt after Red Rocks, but without the sex. In fact, the friction from my pants probably scorched my vagina during the hike. It's obliterated now.
What I suppose I am trying to get at is this: January Jeans isn't going to happen. I'm not going to magically lose 15 pounds in the next 11 days. If I did, that wouldn't be a healthy thing anyway. For now, I'm back home, back to my normal life, and back to trying to be a decent human being instead of an alcohol guzzling, edibles eating, carb-inhaling maniac. Or am I? Fuck man, even I don't know.