The Goggles Do Nothing!
Oh hey! I almost didn't see you there since I just sprayed industrial strength solvent in my eyes. No, this isn't something I typically do; it's a preventative measure. Because...yep, you guessed it, MOTHERFUCKING PINK EYE!
Yesterday was like a holiday in my house. It was the first day of camp for Evie and her cousin, which meant it was my first peaceful day since school got out at the end of May. I dropped the girls off and just got to hang out with a couple toddlers. It was easy...ish.
3:00 rolls around and my phone rang. I knew it, I just KNEW it was camp calling. Sure enough...
Hi, this is so and so from blah blah. Evie collided with another little girl earlier today. Now she's saying her eye is irritated. It's red and puffy.
Fuck. Ok, I'll come get the kids in a few.
I walked in and there she was, looking crazy as hell with her puffy, red, oozey eye. But the good news was she loved her first day, despite the uh, situation.
My first instinct was pink eye. She's never had it before, but I have. I didn't want to jump to conclusions and I certainly didn't want to say anything out loud because she repeats everything and would be telling all kinds of random strangers that she was infected, all the while probably rubbing her eye and touching their hands. Kids are totally gross.
I had her dad pick up an eyepatch to stop her from touching her eye. Can I just say genius? First, she looked hilarious (she played with a sword as to REALLY embody the pirate vibe) and second, it DID keep her hands away from her face, for the most part anyway.
I sent her to bed with the silent knowledge that she had the eye plague and wouldn't be going to camp today. I would have to call the fucking pediatrician (whom I semi-despise) and hope to just get a prescription called in. Fuck you and your office co-pay! I know it's pink eye! Just give me the script!
Eves woke up with her eye glued shut. Then her cousin got here and guess what? She has pink eye too! Oh happy motherfucking day, guys! I called the doctor and explained the sitch. I'm still waiting for a call back to confirm that someone has called drops in for her. As for the rest of the day? Well the girls are quaratined to Evie's room with my computer watching Netflix and probably weird Barbi porn on YouTube, which is actually a thing. For real.
As for the rest of us, we are bathing in Purell and considering burning the house to the ground to kill the germs. Fucking camp, man. You were supposed to save me. Instead you BROKE MY HEART! You bitch.