Release Me For Fuck's Sake
I'm angry, my lovelies, super angry. For the past month or two, it doesn't seem like much has been going right in my life. Outrageous hospital bills, more doctor visits and late nights for Evie because we thought she had a UTI, coupled with a worthless piece of garbage pediatrician, have left me miserable.
My days are spent waiting on little people. My afternoons are met with demands from elementary kids. My nights are spent juggling dinner, clean up, and baths. Then there's bedtime, which is ALWAYS the biggest fucking pain in the ass. Yes, this is me bitching about my job. Because guess what? I'm a STAY AT HOME MOM and YES, that is, in fact, a fucking job. I also babysit. And yes, that's a fucking job too. If I have to listen to others bitch about their jobs, then damn it, I get to bitch too. I get to tell you that I am damn near the brink of crying. I am close to curling up into a ball and never leaving my bedroom. I am THIS close to punching a hole in the fucking wall.
I'm sick and tired of all the goddamn demands. I am angry that everyone else comes before me. I want a fucking day to myself. Get the kids away from me. No one talk to me. Don't ask me to do one goddamn chore around this fucking house, because I swear, I will just burn the mother down. Oh, you need a drink now that I finally sat down to eat, even though my food has long since gone cold? Well get the fuck up and get it yourself. I'm done. I'm tired. I'm bitter. I'm raging.
I want to focus on myself for 24 hours. No one else. Just me. If that makes me selfish, oh fucking well. Because guess what? I haven't had an entire 24 hours to myself in a year. Let that sink in. It has been ONE WHOLE FUCKING YEAR since I've been by myself. So yes, I think I'm entitled to my breakdown. I think it is just fine that every other word out of my mouth is fuck. Chill out, I'm not swearing in front of the kids. Although I would love to.
So please, get away from me. Let me leave the room without worrying that this kid is going to hurt that kid on accident or that something is going to be broken when I come back. Let me poop in piece. Yes, girls DO poop, and it would be nice to do it without little eyes staring at me then rooting through the bathroom cabinets. And yes, the child will ALWAYS find a razor or the most dangerous cleaning product I have and try to play with it. What the fuck? Can't a girl just poop? The answer is no. When you have kids, you will never poop in peace again. Unless they are napping. And good luck with that.
No. It isn't like this all the time. Mostly I am happy with staying home. I love these kids. But I don't think it's too much to ask for to have a major meltdown once a year. Right? Say I'm right or I might just punch you in the face.
That's my rant. I need a break. My brain is dying and is in desperate need of a recharge. Justine out.