Evie's Birthday, AKA The Day My Vagina Was Never The Same
6 years ago I was HUGELY pregnant. Not just wow, that's a big belly pregnant, but holy sweet Mary mother of god I just gained 60 pounds and can barely move without needing an oxygen mask huge. Large and in charge, sort of. I definitely wasn't as in charge as I would've liked to have been. I was scheduled to be induced two weeks early because Evie was a monster baby and she was running out of room in my massive belly. Knowing doctors and nurses were going to be all up in me, I wanted to shave and groom and have my vagina beautiful. My baby shouldn't have to feel like she was coming out of a forest. But alas when you're as huge as I was, it was barely possible to shave my legs. Sorry to all those people that had to weed wack their way through my vagina to retrieve my sweet baby girl.
6 years ago my mother-in-law and one of my nurses got into a heated political debate while I was contracting. The nurse was being an asshole and criticizing patients on state insurance. Spoiler: we were on state insurance. She didn't know that, of course, because it wasn't her business. I actually found the arguing quite amusing, mostly because her radical Republican views were too ridiculous to even get mad about, but Jon did not find the humor in it and finally yelled at the two women to basically shut the fuck up. I love him.
6 years ago my epidural decided not to work. And after 15 hours of hard labor, it was time to push. So I did. For 2.5 fucking hours!! And boy oh boy, I felt everything. Evie was a stubborn little lady. Just as I was ready to give up and just keep her inside of me forever, she finally came out. And she was perfect. I was in shock and didn't cry when the midwife laid her on my chest. I just stared and stared, trying to process everything. Jon cried. My mother-in-law cried. My brain was in overload. Also, my vagina was destroyed. Gross, but true. My MIL told me later that she walked by and accidentally looked at the aftermath. According to her, it was like a war movie. I love her. Back to Evie. Her head wasn't coned, she was 8 pounds, 1.9 ounces, and she took to my boobs like a champion. It was 1:15 in the morning and we were bloody exhausted, but completely mesmerized by our new little lady. We named her Evie Sherie Snyder.
6 years ago our lives changed in the best way possible. Evie literally drives me insane every single day. I don't think there's a day that goes by with her that I'm not stressed to the max and wishing I could retreat into my closet with a bottle of vodka and some Mumford and Sons tunes. But I love her. I just do. I miss her when she's having a sleepover, even though I've been looking forward to that sleepover for weeks. I get excited when I pick her up from school, though she's usually sassy and demanding as soon as she gets in the car. She was my very first baby. And I don't think she will ever stop being my baby. At least I hope not, because she's the best.
Happy Birthday Evie Sherie. We love you like chocolate cake. Always.