The Million Dollar Popcorn Kernel
Last Wednesday was a typical day until about 4:00. I went onto the back porch to yell at the dogs for their non-stop barking and came back inside to find Everly standing in front of the TV, snorting. Now, there's been some issues with Little E trying to stick things in her nose lately. It's been happening for the past 3 or so weeks. Normally I'm right there to stop her, but those fucking dogs were yapping away and I missed this one. Go figure.
So she's snorting away and I look and see a popcorn kernel stuck in her right nostril. Before I can get it, boom, it's gone. Little E snorted that kernel right up there. Well shit. Of course this happened right when her pediatrician office closed, so I had to leave a message for the on-call physician. I thought it wasn't going to be a big deal, that the kernel would just fall out or she would swallow it. No fuss, no muss. Not so much. I received a call back from the physician and was told to bring Evs into the ER. Apparently the kernel was a "nasal foreign body" and needed to be removed right away before it caused infection. I packed the little lady and off we went to the ER.
Long story short, the ER docs couldn't get the kernel out. They poked, prodded, vacuumed (yes, VACUUMED) at the damn kernel and NOTHING. The fucking thing wouldn't budge. We were there for 3 hours before the docs decided to discharge Everly. I was told to follow up with an Ear, Nose, and Throat doc in the morning. Ugh.
The next morning we went to an ENT. Evs wasn't as cooperative as she was the night before. I think she was finally fed up with being messed with. I would've flipped way before she did. Kudos to that baby. Understandably she was squirmy and upset so the doctor couldn't reach the kernel. He had one good shot at it and missed, claiming it spun around and got away from him. I don't think that's the case, but I'm no doctor. Anyway, no kernel. The doctor told me to bring Everly back to hospital that night and he would sedate her to get the damn thing out. My poor baby.
I had to starve Everly all day. She wasn't allowed to eat or drink ANYTHING because she had to be sedated. Well, let me tell you what, a starved toddler is a MISERABLE toddler. I felt awful for her and tried my best not to even go near the kitchen, lest she see me and totally flip out. I can't blame the kid, I am a raging bitch when I'm even slightly hungry.
We got to the hospital at 5:30, as instructed, but she wasn't seen until about 8:00. The doctors gassed her for about two minutes and were immediately able to get the popcorn kernel out. I was barely in the waiting room for 10 minutes. Once it was out, Little E and I went to a recovery room for an hour to be sure she would be alright after being knocked out. Well she was just fine. Better than fine. Being knocked out was like a crazy power nap for Evs. She was off the wall excited. The nurses saw her and determined she was okay to go home. We finally got home at 10:30.
After everything, I'm sure we are going to be paying for that damn kernel for a LONG time. And what have I learned from this? Absolutely nothing. I can't possibly watch Everly every second of the goddamn day. I just can't. And kids are mischievous, they will try to get into whatever they can find. I HAVE been better about keeping the floor clean, but I'm not perfect, contrary to popular belief ;) These things will happen, and I just have to roll with the punches and be glad she didn't shove something worse up there, like shards of glass or (god forbid) a bug. I know, a bug gets a "god forbid" but glass shards don't? I just REALLY don't like bugs, guys. Like really really.
(P.S. Guess who shoved a piece of a sandwich in the other nostril the next day? You get one guess...)