A Snyder In The Sun

A Snyder In The Sun

I Am Not #Winning At Body Acceptance

In the past year I have gained 15 pounds and am officially the heaviest I have ever been in my life, aside from my two pregnancies.  As much as I would love to say that I am happy in the skin I am in now, that would be a lie.  Straight up.  Because NOTHING could be farther from the truth.  I cannot stand the way my body feels right now.  I cringe at the fact that I am up a jeans size, and even THOSE are tight.  Medium shirts don't fit quite like they used to either.  I find myself buying more and more large sizes, and each time my heart breaks a little more.

When I look in the mirror it would be nice to say I love my new curves.  But I don't.  I fucking hate them.  I hate the rolls.  I hate the belly.  And I DESPISE the muffin top.  The only plus side to my new found weight gain is my bigger boobs.  But with each bigger boob comes a fucking new chin.  And maybe I'm exaggerating a tad, but it certainly doesn't feel that way when I look at myself in the semi-full length mirror.  

I am NOT comfortable with the weight.  I never will be.  I know my personality, and I know what I'm capable of.  This new body is the result of pure neglect in the health department.  This new me is because I skip the gym more often than go, and I eat McDonald's breakfast like the apocalypse could happen at any moment.  I am being mean to my body.  I am punishing it for reasons unknown to me.  I am giving my body a big FUCK YOU everyday and it's got to stop.

I refuse to accept the new "me,"  because, duh, this isn't me.  This is lazy.  This is bullshit.  And I deserve better.  So, back to the gym and fuck the junk food.  As the good Lorde sang, "Glory and gore go hand in hand."  I intend to put myself through hell and come out on the other side victorious.  And more importantly, healthy and content.

Feel free to pass me around to your friends.  I like to be shared ;)