It has been over a month since I have written anything besides lame Facebook status updates that barely matter. I have been napping more often than I haven't been napping. Cleaning the house every single day seems like a pointless waste of time when kids rip through like fucking tornados, destroying everything in sight and sending decorative pillows soaring through the living room several times a day. Why do I even bother to put them back on the couches?
Why is this shit happening? Because I'm funked. That's right, I am in a funk and it's really fucking hard to get out of it. Nothing in particular is upsetting me. My marriage is good. My kids are mostly happy ( I DO have a moody 5 year old, after all) and healthy. We're not poor. And yet...something is missing.
I want an adventure. I want to become the very best possible version of myself. I want to wake up with energy and a desire to do something, anything besides watching shitty TV and feeling sorry for myself. I don't want to envy others. I want to be envied. I want people to look at me and see a smiling fool. I want to be one of those annoying people with far too much energy or one of those Pinterest moms that crafts like a motherfucker and bakes delicious goodies. I want to WANT to exercise. I want to quit fucking smoking for good. I want to cut way down on drinking. I want to play with my kids and genuinely enjoy it, instead of faking excitement every time my wee ones scribble a picture or put their toys away correctly. There's so much I want and it's time to make it happen. No one is going to do the work for me, that's for sure.
Don't worry, I'm not depressed. I have pills for that. I'm just...blah. But that's about to change my friends. So maybe I'm a little late, but here's to 2015! May I have the energy of a meth addict, without, you know, all the missing teeth and facial sores :)