5 Things That Take Kids FOREVER To Do
Let's just dive right in, shall we?
- Eating a meal. Yes, I've gone over this before. No, nothing has changed. Long after Jon and I are done eating, we are still negotiating with Evie to finish her food. The whole process, from start to finish, takes roughly 45 minutes. It's ridiculous. Please, just eat the goddamn food in a timely manner. It was cold 20 minutes ago, now it's just hardening and resembling left overs from a week ago. I promise it would taste much, much better if consumed while warm.
- Buckling seat belts. I don't act calm and collected when I feel like I'm running late. Like clockwork every single day we get out to the car and Evie is in lala land. She's looking up at the trees, walking extra slow, or forgetting something in the house. Ugh, fine, go get it and get in the car! So she's in the car now. Little E is in her car sear and I'm already in the front with the car started and my sear belt on. Big E? She's taking her sweet ass time in the back, probably looking for toys or candy on the floor. I have to tell her to hurry up and buckle her seat belt about 3 times before she actually does it. Inevitably the belt gets stuck and I have to get out and help her. It never fails.
- Clean their room. On any given day Evie's room is a complete scary disaster. She's 5, after all, and can't be bothered not throwing shit all over the place. Apparently. So once in a while it's time for the big clean. I tell her to go in and start cleaning her room. I go in and check 10 minutes later to see how it's going. There's Evie at her doll house "organizing" it. Hmmmm, sure looks like you're playing to me. She insists she's not. Ok, I'll be back in another 10 minutes and had better see some of this stuff put away. Nope. She's still playing. Finally I just give in and start cleaning up while she pretends to help. It's a lot of yelling and threats to throw all the toys in the trash.
- Homework. This one is new to me folks. Evie just started Kindergarten and I am SHOCKED at the amount of homework she has to do. She is given a packet on Monday and has to return it completed on Friday. Everyday after school we try to work on two or three pages of stuff. Sure, it looks easy enough, but not for a 5 year old. Eves gets out of her seat a dozen times before I finally lose my shit and tell her she can't have pie afterall, even if she did have a good day at school. She cries. I ignore. She threatens. I try to calmly explain that it isn't a good idea to threaten mom. She cries more. A joyous cycle indeed. But, come Friday, that fucking packet is done.
- Bedtime. This one is a no-brainer. Kids don't like to go to sleep. PERIOD. In our house it's pee, brush your teeth, mom or dad reads a book, tuck-in time.
Eves, it's time to go pee and brush your teeth
(on a good night) Okay mom.
Evie! You've been in there for a while. What's going on?
(I walk in and see blue toothpaste everywhere and Evie standing on the toilet so she can watch herself in the mirror shaking her butt)
Why is there toothpaste everywhere?!
I don't know.
(I wipe the shit up and tell Evie to go get a book)
Here, mom. I want to read this one again.
Great. Doc McStuffins again. Never gets old.
(I read the book and Eves tries to grab it out of my hands so she can look through it again for 45 minutes)
Nope, it's time for bed kiddo.
(She throws herself back on my pillows and pretends to be sleeping) But I'm so tired.
I know, that's why you're going to bed.
(I get her into bed, sing a song, kiss her, and I'm out!)
20 minutes later she's out of her room. Damnit!
What do your kids do that takes FOREVER?