Our House Is Like A Scene From Bridesmaids
In case you don't know, we have three dogs. THREE! Maybe that isn't a lot to most people, but it's an army to us. Why so many you ask? Because puppies are fucking adorable and impossible to walk away from. We've tried. Three times. Epic fails. The last time we got a puppy, we ended up with a Siberian Husky. I wanted a black Pug, that I was going to name Black Olive, of course, because we have a tan Pug named Olive. I thought I was so clever. Turns out I am an asshole and a total sucker for baby animals. I didn't see any black Pugs, but I did see that Husky. Why not? We only have two other dogs, two kids, and two cats. Sure, we need a big dog now. It just makes sense. Ask me now if I regret it and I will say yes. However, if I were to go back to the pet store and see a black Pug? Yep, I would buy that sonofabitch in a second. I literally NEVER learn my lesson.
A few weeks ago our turd dogs busted through the screen door of our back porch. Basically the entire back porch is one giant screened-in room. This is typical for Florida. My husband crafted some kind of giant wood block thing that fits where the screen used to. Problem solved. And it only took about 3 hours to do...So yesterday our cat, Neil, wouldn't stop meowing. He really wanted to go out on the porch. Fine. His incessant meowing was like nails on a chalkboard. I let him out and went about doing the dishes. A few minutes later I looked out and saw Neil galloping out in the lawn. Well fuck. How did that happen? Sho 'nuff, somehow the dogs had made another hole in one of the screens. As I'm contemplating this and trying to find the hole, Archer (the Husky) is digging a giant hole in the garden while Floyd (the Boston Terrier) barks like a mad man and Olive (the Pug) tries to bite Floyd's legs. A fucking zoo. That's how I describe this place.
They are slowly, methodically tearing our house and lawn apart. They eat every nice bed we buy them, they chew whatever is in front of them, and they are always covered in sand from the back yard. Oh, and they immediately try to lick the insides of the kid's mouths whenever they are close enough to do so. Basically they are ruining our lives. But they are super cute, so I think we'll keep them.