I'm On An Antidepressant. Wanna Fight About It?
I'm not usually one to stand up on a soap box shouting things to the world, trying to get all kinds of attention for a cause. I'm far too shy (seriously) for things like that. I would rather sit behind my computer, my shield if you will, and tell it like it is. And this is what it is. I have been on an antidepressant for roughly 10 months and I wouldn't have it any other way right now.
Obviously Robin Williams suicide has brought out the opinions of all walks of life. He was selfish. He probably wasn't taking meds. He was rich and famous, how hard could his life really have been? Blah, blah, blah. You know what, people? Shut the hell up about things you know NOTHING about! It's insane. Go form an opinion somewhere else, because I'm this close to farting in your general direction.
I certainly can't fathom being sad and hopeless enough to want to end my life, but I know what it's like to feel depressed and not know how to get out of it. This is the third time in my life I have been on an antidepressant, and just like the last two times, it has helped tremendously. Maybe I'm one of the lucky ones that knows when I'm slipping and need some extra help, I don't know. I do know that I am no longer ashamed to admit that a pill helps straighten my brain out.
I fought my depression for about two years before submitting to the the pill. I was embarrassed that I couldn't just "snap out of it" and smile like most people around me. I was tired all the time and pissed off at the world. Lots of crying jags and rage. It was hell. I figured I would eat healthier and go to the gym because hey! exercise is a great way to relieve the blues! Yes, that may be true if you are a little down in the dumps. It's NOT true if your brain synapses are firing all over the fucking place. When that is happening, you may need just a little more that 30 minutes on the elliptical.
After little E was born I knew I needed extra help. Sleep depravation, a crying baby, and unending responsibility were effing up my mojo in a big way. 10 months later I am happy (for the most part, we all have shitty days) and more productive. I don't consider my antidepressant (Lexapro! Holla!) a crutch that I will use for the rest of my life. But if I do, who cares? It's my prerogative. I would love to think my decision is big enough to impact YOU, but in reality it's not, so get over it. And there's always this: would you rather have me happy and smiling or balled up in the corner crying about how hard it is to decide between fudge brownie ice cream or chocolate chip cookies? Exactly, that's what I thought.
So no judgies please. We all have our reasons for doing what we do. It shouldn't be taboo to talk about depression and antidepressants. I am not weaker because I take a pill. I am happier, healthier (aside for the fast food binges), more productive (eh...) and certainly a better wife and mom. Basically, I'm a super hero now. Thanks Lexapro, you're the best!