Rage Against The Dying of The Road Rage
It's amazing the little things in life you adjust when you have children. My oldest is a sponge, no joke. She will take something I said 2 years ago and repeat it out of the blue, shocking the hell out of me. It's equal parts annoying and lovely. I'm happy her memory is so sharp, but super pissed I can't say fuck whenever I want.
So because she is a sponge, I can't have proper road rage. And living in Florida, it is inevitable that the rage will come. There are oldies everywhere. There are singing, smoking, texting, shirtless, tired drivers everywhere. There are also people that cannot grasp how to drive in the rain. It's Florida! In the summer it rains practically EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I don't understand it. And don't even get me started on roundabouts. There is one near where my husband works and, no freakin' joke, there is probably an accident there once a week or more. Drive by the roundabout any day of the week and you will see car debris scattered all over the road.
It used to be that I could swear up a storm and flip people off like a madwoman when I was driving. I could come up with some pretty good zingers too. I'm honestly shocked that no one ever forced me off the road and beat my ass. I definitely had it coming. But not anymore. Now instead of saying Are you fucking kidding me you stupid sonofabitch asshole face?! I have to say Oh you silly car. What are you doing driving so silly? Because Evie is behind me and she's listening. Oh boy, is she listening.
About a year and a half ago I noticed she was yelling at cars a bit too much when we were casually driving places. She was all STUPID CARS! or Why are they going so slow, mom? Go faster car! Well shit, looks like I had to change my perspective on things. Did I really need to fly off the handle that badly every time an old lady in a huge Cadillac rolled 20 miles under the speed limit in the fast lane? Ugh, probably not. But to be fair, it is super annoying. It can't be good for my blood pressure to go crazy every time someone forgets to use their turn-signal. Or when cars wait behind my car in the parking lot. Listen turd, I have groceries to put in the back and two kids to secure into their seats. Move on to the next fucking spot! Stop pressuring me! It's times like that that I just sit in the drivers seat and pretend to be on the phone or doing something else until the car waiting gives up and leaves. It may be obnoxious but it's also rude to keep a line of cars waiting just so you don't have to walk the extra 15 feet to get groceries. Heaven forbid.
Anyway...as you can tell, I needed to change my road ragin' ways. Thankfully Evie brought me to my senses. But every once in a while (maybe more...) when it's just me (well mostly) I let my fuck flag fly and really curse out the offending car. Because they deserve it. Because it makes me feel good. And because Everly has no idea that fuck is a bad word yet :)