6 Reasons I Might Be Turning Into A Man
6- There is something about wearing my husband's boxer shorts around the house. I've been doing it more frequently lately, mostly when he's not home so he isn't all ummm, could you please not wear my underwear like it's all casual Friday in here. I'm sure he would much rather see me traipsing around in cute nighties instead of boxers and a stained wife beater (PS-hate that fucking name. Stupidest name for a tank top EVER) but comfort is key in my world.
5- I've been cutting my hair shorter and shorter every time I go to the salon. I've never been attached to my hair, and love to do daring things with it. It will grow the fuck back, so why not? The last trip involved a faux hawk and the next one I'm sure I will go even shorter. I once had it shaved. It was after my mother died from breast cancer and I watched V for Vendetta for the 10th time. If Natalie Portman can shave her shit off and look cute, why can't I? Because you aren't Natalie Portman, Justine, that's why! It didn't look great and I tried to compensate with earrings. Mistake. Oh, and shaved head bed head sucks ass.
4- I can go days without showering, especially at music festivals. Gross? Probably. Do I care? Nope. For as long as I can remember I have hated taking showers. Now that I live in the sweaty armpit of the US I can't go as long without a shower or the odor would probably kill all the snowbirds that flock here. Still, a girl can dream.
3- I hate it when movies get all lovey dovey cheesy. Ugh, it drives me crazy. Mostly because it's predictable and I HATE predictable. I get super uncomfortable and have been known to yell LAME!! I can't help it. I almost feel embarrassed for the on-screen couple. Even that classic scene in When Harry Met Sally or Jerry Maguire. Awful. Just awful. The background music gets all sappy and slow and you know it's coming. I'm always disappointed by the lameness of it.
2- I don't like wearing makeup. I can count on both hands the number of times I wear makeup in a year. Sure, I feel pretty when I actually do put it on, but feeling pretty isn't enough of a reason to paint my face everyday. No judgies to those who do, I just can't. I will say that I have been blessed with nice skin so I don't feel like I have to wear makeup. I don't have the time (READ: I am lazy as hell) to do it everyday. I also don't like to wash my face, so the crap would just stay on it until I took a shower, which could be a while. Refer to #3.
1- I prefer greasy grody food over veggies. Ok, so maybe that doesn't make me manly, but I feel like it's stereotypical for women to munch on salads while men cram chicken wings into their mouths like they are going extinct. If you put a salad in front of me and a slice of pizza and told me to choose, I would probably punch you in the throat for being so silly. Who would choose the salad?! I'm not dainty and I'm not worried about what you think. I will throw your kids out of the way to get the last slice. Hide yo' kids!