It happened again yesterday. It was trash day. Time to go through the fridge and throw a bunch of shit out. I hate it, but at the same time, it needs to be done before that cucumber becomes a gelatinous blob hiding out under the carton of strawberries, just waiting for me to reach in for a tasty treat, only to be accosted by cold, clear mush. A simpler solution might just be to buy stuff we know we will ACTUALLY eat.
I swear my intentions are good when I go to the grocery store. I hit up the produce section all yay, we're going to eat roasted vegetables every night at the dinner table while we tell each other the best parts of our day. Then we'll have fruit for dessert! Inevitably what happens is more like this: I throw some kind of meat in the oven or Jon grills. I grab a pack of Lipton noodle things out of the pantry and microwave those suckers, and I throw some broccoli into boiling water. Hot broccoli water anyone? Then we sit down at the table (thumbs up for this) and Evie proceeds to negotiate her way through dinner. We don't negotiate with terrorists in this house.
Can't I just take one more bite?
No, Evie, eat everything on your plate.
But I don't like (insert anything you can think of here).
You liked it last week.
Ughhhhh, you guys make everything worserrrrrr.
I know, kid, it's a tough life.
Meanwhile, Everly screams at us the entire time we are eating because we are not feeding her fast enough. It's pure chaos up in this bitch. And at the end of the meal, there are plenty of casualties. All that's left to do is look at the floor under the table, take a moment of silence for that fallen broccoli, and start the clean up process. Is the dishwasher full of clean dishes? Fuck it, just put the dirties in the sink. I'm over it.
So once Wednesday night rolls around I have my head stuck in the fridge wondering what the hell we ate all week. Hmm, would you look at that. I totally forgot I bought an eggplant. Oh well, into the garbage you go. And Oh em gee, what the hell is in that tupperwear? Welcome to garbage world, friend. I would rather toss you into the darkness than risk a nasal assault by opening you up and cleaning you out. RIP countless pieces of Tupperwear that have lived here. You will never be forgotten. Wait, what were we talking about?