A Snyder In The Sun

A Snyder In The Sun

Bikini After Baby? It's Totes Possible, Friends

Before I had babies my body was slammin'! I had a little waist, small (but cute and very perky) boobies, and a flat, unmarked belly.  Actually, I did have a belly ring, which, in hindsight, was not such a great choice.  I'll file that piercing (along with my labret, monroe, and tongue) in the "Really, Justine? Why?" category of my life.  But anyway, my body was the tits.  

Fast forward 2 episiotomy scars and 6 years and here I am.  I literally have stretch marks everywhere. It's insane.  How large did my legs get that even the back side of my knees are marked up?!  What the hell?  I didn't give birth to monster babies!  Ok, ok, so I did gain a whopping 60 pounds when I was pregnant with Evie.  Come on people, food was my only vice.  If I can't drink at family gatherings I'm definitely going to be all gung ho for the buffet.  Watch out skinny bitches, that metal tray of room temperature bacon is totally all mine.  Seriously though, back the eff off.

So I went from weighing 135 pounds to 195 pounds.  My poor skin couldn't take it and my once super cute belly ended up looking like this:

That's a Ween tattoo by the way, not a smiley face.  Great band and my favorite, you should totally listen to them.

That's a Ween tattoo by the way, not a smiley face.  Great band and my favorite, you should totally listen to them.

I usually try to go with the flow in terms of how I look, but the fact that I could no longer wear bikinis upset the shit out of me.  Come on, man, I live in Florida!  I tried being okay with the marks, I really did.  The internets were of little comfort in this department.  I'm sorry ladies and gents, I am not going to sit here and look at a ridiculous picture of a tiger and say that my stretch marks are my new markings because I am an effing mother cat.  I didn't earn my stripes, I ate myself ragged and they just started appearing.  

I have been living in Florida for 4.5 years now and this is the first summer I have felt confident enough to rock a bikini.  What changed you ask?  Well, I like to think that I'm becoming a bit more comfortable with my body everyday.  But mostly it's all about the HIGH WAISTED BIKINI BOTTOMS!  

Note the boob stretch marks.  Whatevs.

Note the boob stretch marks.  Whatevs.

The bottoms totally cover up all my belly marks, including my insane looking belly button that used to be an innie and is now a completely misshapen outie.  Also, can I just recommend to any pregnant woman with a belly button piercing...TAKE THE EFFING BELLY RING OUT THE SECOND YOU FIND OUT YOU ARE PREGNANT!  I don't know how it happened, but one of my gnarliest stretch marks exists because I left my belly ring in too long.  

Anyway, I really dig the retro vibe of my new bikini.  I feel cute and sexy in it, and don't really give two shits if the boys think it's something their grandma would wear.  I like it and that's all that matters.

P.S.  Me and Taylor Swift could totally be besties. 

Is that you Justine?  Giiirrrllll, that bikini is EVERYTHING!  Let's go write a song about high-waisted bikinis and being best friends!

Is that you Justine?  Giiirrrllll, that bikini is EVERYTHING!  Let's go write a song about high-waisted bikinis and being best friends!


Feel free to pass me around to your friends.  I like to be shared ;)