A Snyder In The Sun

A Snyder In The Sun

Ugh, What The Hell Is Wrong Now?

I'm going to go on record to say that What To Expect When You're Expecting is basically the most useless piece of garbage book about pregnancy out there.  It is so outdated it should be taken off the shelves and archived.  Maybe I feel more passionately about this because I am having my third child and rarely pay attention to all the milestones my body is going through. Idk.  I DO know that when I was pregnant with my first gremlin I LOVED that book.  It told me everything I needed to know.  I read it almost every night, which means I read a head and prepared myself (as much as I could) for what was going to happen to my body.  

The second time I got pregnant, What To Expect made a few appearances.  If I wanted to know what size the baby was during that particular week I would glance in the book and then toss it to the side.  Or if I had a crazy case of constipation I would consult the book while I hovered on the toilet praying for relief.  Drink more fluids?  Really, book?  Fuck off.

This time?  This pregnancy?  I HATE that book.  I picked it up, looked through it twice, and seriously considered lighting it on fire.  I consult the internet now, thank you very much, for all the things that are currently plaguing my body.

A lot of weird shit can happen to a body that is growing a baby.  What To Expect didn't help me with most of my freak ailments.  For instance, when I was pregnant with my second gremlin I developed skin tags. Yes, it WAS disgusting.  They went away after she was born though, thankfully.  I also got trigger finger in my left middle finger.  Obviously this wasn't conducive to my fuck you, get the fuck out of my face attitude when I wanted to flip someone or something off but my damn finger kept getting stuck. I wore a finger splint for the last month of my pregnancy.  Super bad ass.  By the time I left the hospital with my new bundle of joy my finger was totally back to normal and I could resume flipping the bird instead of using actual words to communicate my frustration.   

This time around I have a whole new weird thing happening to me that I haven't experienced before.  Did you know that whilst pregnant your feet arches can basically fall?  Yeah, I didn't know that shit either, but that's what's currently happening to my left foot.  Some days it doesn't hurt at all, other days I spend a good portion of my day hobbling around looking crazy. The internet says that I should be cured after I have the baby and lose approximately 700 pounds.  So there's that to look forward to.  I also have an extreme pulling sensation in my very lower belly.  I thought maybe it was my ovaries falling out of my body but my doctor said nope, that's just your ligaments stretching even more as the baby grows.  I guess this gets more painful with each pregnancy.  Awesome.  At least I still have my ovaries and they aren't covered in cysts that are about to rupture.  It's all about staying positive, right? And I don't know if it's because I'm pregnant in my 30's now or the fact that I'm pregnant and taking care of two other children, but holy shit I have never been so consistently tired in all of my life.  The other two times I was with child I felt immediately more energized after the first trimester.  This time the entire pregnancy has been the first trimester.  I could fall asleep typing this.

I'm nervous what the next issue is going to be.  I am only a little more than half way through this marathon and some days it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I have to keep reminding myself that all of this will pass after the baby is born.  Until then stay tuned for what other body part will be falling off or caving in or exploding.  Good times.

Mega Happy Face May

May is offically here and while there aren't any showers going on, it's definitely spring time, which could be very well be my favorite season.  Big fan.  Also, May is my birthday month, so obviously it's the most wonderful time of the year.  Sorry, Christmas.  I haven't listed what's making me happy lately so I wanted to do that today.  Because happy spreads happy...or so I hope.  

  1. Beach hotel getaway!  Me and two of my sis-in-laws are going to a beach front hotel on Saturday, just us gals.  This is much needed.  Even though I won't be able to sip cocktails while I watch dudes swinging dong in banana hammocks, I will beach myself appropriately with the rest of the whales and drink seltzer waters without worrying about my children being dragged out to sea by sharks or riptides.  It's the perfect way to start my Mother's Day weekend of doing absolutely nothing.  And yes, I deserve an entire MD weekend.
  2. My birthday!  I am turning 32 on May 24th and loves me a birthday.  I couldn't care less that I am aging, it just means I'm not dead yet.  I'm not doing anything exciting because it's a Wednesday and I'm 400 years pregnant, but it's still my day.  And yes, I will be reminding everyone around me that's it my birthday and should thus be spoiled accordingly.  Plus, I super dig presents.  Anyone who says they don't is full of shit. Presents rule.  Also, I requested a coconut cream pie so Jon better pull through with that bitch.
  3. New seasons on Netflix.  TV has been putting me in a rage lately so I am pleased that Kimmy Schmidt will be coming back to Netflix on May 19th with new episodes.  Titus makes me laugh that kind of laugh where I know I look crazy but I can't stop myself and I hope no one is watching me.  Who doesn't love to laugh like that even if it's embarrassing as hell? 
  4. My ladies are throwing a sprinkle for me!  So for those of you not familiar (read: anyone with a penis) a sprinkle is like a smaller version of a baby shower.  Some people find it tacky to have any sort of baby shower after your first child.  I find THOSE PEOPLE tacky! Apparently I like to birth babies every four years, which isn't exactly ideal when you think you're done with babies and have gotten rid of all your essential baby items.  So fuck off, Brenda, you don't know my life!  I had a sprinkle for Everly so Jon said this next one should technically be called a "mist."  Whatever it is called I am super grateful it is happening because we are having a boy and to say I am ill prepared for this is an understatement.  Plus, I get to see family and friends I don't always get to see, which is such a gift.  I'm so stoked!
  5. My camp buddy is coming to visit!  One of my very dear friends I met at camp years back is coming to visit me for a few days :)  I am excited to show her around our little beach town and introduce her to the actual craziness that is my life.  Also we plan on going to the Dali museum.  I haven't been there since I was 17 and slightly intoxicated, so it'll be like visiting for the very first time. 


May is coming up Milhouse and this b is happy as all get out.  What's making all you lovelies happy during this beautiful month?

And Baby Makes 5

My goodness, it's been nearly 6 months since I wrote anything up in this bitch!  And so much has happened!  Well, not really SO much, but some stuff.  Let's jump in, shall we?

I started a job in December.  I was the check in/check out girl at a pain management office.  I lasted 3 months.  In those 3 months I learned a few things.  Number one, I hate working with the public.  Number two, people in chronic pain are total assholes to receptionists until they have seen the doctor and have their prescriptions in their hands.  Number three, I don't think I can ever work in the medical field ever again.  Number four, my house goes to total shit when I'm working. And lastly, I definitely didn't appreciate being a stay at home mom like I should have.  Lesson learned.  The job definitely wasn't for me and I am so happy to be back at home with my family, cleaning up the same messes day after day instead of being bitched at by some turd named David because the chairs in the waiting room hurt his already aching back and why can't the doctor just see him right away even though he was 45 minutes late to his appointment!!  Fuck off, David, I just work here.

So I got that job.  Two days after I was offered the position and accepted it, I found out I was pregnant.  Shit.  It was a complete surprise and the timing could not have been worse.  I was supposed to be venturing out into the world again as a working woman.  A baby certainly wasn't ideal.  Except that it was.  I cried for a few seconds after I found out but then realized well, fuck it, a baby is a baby.  A blessing, not a burden.  Besides, working a 40 hour week sucks ass ;)

As far as this pregnancy goes, it's definitely been the hardest of the three.  I am very lucky to have never thrown up in any my pregnancies, but physically I have never been more tired and worn down.  I have little pains ALL THE TIME that continue to frustrate me to no end.  And I pee CONSTANTLY.  I have yet to sleep through the night since I got pregnant because I am up at least twice to pee.  But I'm told the little guy (A BOY! FINALLY!) is baking just fine in there and that's all that really matters I suppose.

I have about 18 weeks left to go and this boy will be making his grand entrance.  No doubt he will be a monster baby like his sister's were and he'll come out weighing in at 10 pounds or some crazy shit like that.  Until he comes there is much to do, like figuring out how my husband and I are going to navigate being outnumbered by children and our 37 dogs. Pray for us.

Alright, that's all I got for now.

Until next time, my lovelies...xoxoxo


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